we wonder why.

Zoning off in class, I was awakened by an abrupt urge to either choke or chuckle. My professor passed around some hand-outs of the Philosophy Dept's Annual Symposium with topics concerning the mind, body, soul, and the question of their existence and correlations. I scanned the room to see if anyone else was curious or even intrigued at the announcement. There were none.

Now I'm not quite sure, but it seems as though I'm the only college student who doesn't go to school/class enough to have realized by her third year that symposium is often the name given for a large conference or meeting. Apparently, I am also the only student who knows her ancient Greek history. A symposium was a room in the typical Greek home where wives were not allowed to enter. Why? It was a room for men to get drunk while exchanging opinions and articles concerning current events, politics, philosophy, and literature. No place for your wife to be. Oh, I forgot to mention that female entertainers and whores were invited there for pleasure purposes and also because those type of women were the only ones of the time who were literate and, furthermore, intelligent.

The liberated woman of ancient times was intelligent AND hot. She was a rebel, going against the grains of society's gender roles. She was a means of stimulation for a man, whether by looks, charm, intellect, or a combination of all. Meanwhile, the wife-material woman was hard-working, submissive, unconditionally faithful, and pretty much illiterate and completely dependent on husband dearest. She was a means of having children and an example of virtue and chastity for the children she'd bear him.

As I thought to myself that times have thankfully changed, my second thought overpowered. I could take this one in various directions, but i'll spare you all the banter. I'll choose one so just enjoy it. Many people today want to have their cake and eat it too; we wonder why. Our roots and origins are alive among us and we culture and condition our young to be subconsciously tolerant of such values/beliefs (or lack thereof).

"..my veins throb with that which i can't spit out."

With much hesitation, I re-enter the realm of virtual nakedness. I hate inviting people into my personal thoughts. But then again, perhaps greater still is my fear of not being heard.

I really am experiencing so many exciting and/or painful experiences lately. Between quitting my job and learning the family business, considering a change in major, and deciding to finally let myself fall in love, I am so beat. But, in the same breath, boy am I grateful. I've realized lately that I am a complete brat and I have trouble expressing exactly what I intend to. I complain a lot, blame a lot, fuss a lot.. but for what, really? I am so insanely--almost disgustingly-- blessed. The years have purged me of crap excuses for friends, hobbies, perspectives, and have allowed me to binge myself with the luxuries in life I've undeservingly received from God. Below are my treasures. They are mere additions to the great reward I've finally found in the Jesus I never really knew. Here's a moment to finally say it.

My parents: they are beyond fantastic.. loving me, supporting me, and admonishing me is the usual as it's always been.

My friends: the few who are still (or are again) around are like my very own appendages in that I couldn't do a damn thing without 'em.

My boy: he's loved me at my worst and now I'm willing to love him at my best.