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Are we there yet?

What I'd give to know where this road will lead.

Can't complain, though. This life just gets more and more interesting as the days go by.

It's not you; it's me.

Dear school,

You have me completely spent. I think it's time for us to see other people. I hope you'll understand.

Thanks,
Katrina Alaia

Today I have breathed my last.

I could not have felt more raw, uncomfortable, nor blessed today. Sunday school spoke of great hope (despite mistakes and the repercussions they incur). Choir lifted my spirits. The guest preacher, Pastor Ramos, gave two sermons that hit home: choose obedience even without reward for it is the springboard to faithfulness (Tagalog service) and then the futility of a life not lived for the Lord is a shame. I, again, wanted to dig my face in the dirt today, which is a very good thing for someone like me.

Amidst all of this, God gave me the chance to speak up for the very last time. In hopes that the truth may free someone of his fear-stricken heart and release me of some guilt, I shared my heart with one whose feet would be swift to deliver the message. I waited for an inquiry and was prompt to reply. That was/is my last attempt to include myself in this process. From now on, I will remain silent. I have done my part; the good Lord will do what He wills.

It's quite unusual.

So this is me keeping a quiet heart/mouth. I hope you all will grow fond of this new me because it's weirding me out. I guess this is how it feels to let God take control.

:)

The Living God,

I am nothing apart from You. I am but an insignificant vapor. Here and now, I am repentant and greatly humbled by Your loving correction. Thank you for your great love for even me.

Love,
Katrina Alaia

By like, I mean totally hate.

I like how I always feel so sure of myself, then I get proven wrong. I like how I make bold claims and then eat my words later. I like how I can feel nothing then, in a split second, feel everything I should have been feeling all along. I like how everything I always wished for but never thought would happen is now materializing. I like how I've waited so long for what's been happening, but I'm not so sure if it's what I want anymore. I like how I'm thankful, but still so confused. I like how I always get myself in a pickle.

So, yeah.

I never underestimate your love for your pride, only your love for me. But I guess God continues to show me how finite my mind is and how I can easily be proven wrong. I praise the Lord on high for softening your heart of stone and, consequently, mine as well.

Hi, I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Birthdaying on Saturday night was spectacular with my pretties. They all met and fell in love, which I predicted. It was a sweet success! We were at that beautiful joint when it was empty, endured the noise of the party people, and rolled out of that place when it was near-empty. Too much fun.

By the end of the night, my mind was back to spider-webbing. That I failed to predict. Walking from our kareoke booth to take the bill to the bar, I could only hear the sound of my heels against the floor as I became entranced with a soothingly familiar smell. It reminded me of the Philippines. Before walking back to the room, I had to pause and recourse my thoughts from home to here. Of course, this ingrate would think of something more that could be added to this already-overflowing cup. I started mentally listing all the blessings I've so graciously received--not "attained"--in life. Even the few things I could ask for this year seemed so miniscule and insignificant in light of all that I've already been given. Imagine, the characters of the Katrina Show are the best in the industry. The Writer of the script is unmatched in His expertise. Great things (even through the difficult and painful ones) just keep falling into place. God's hand moving in my life has never been so vivid, now that my eyes are opened. I am humbled, Lord, and give You every speck of glory.

#1 in the soundtrack of my life:

"You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
And how You love me."


♥